Your friends aren’t your friends!…OH SNAP!

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difference between a friendship and an acquaintance three girls who are friends talking to eachother

 

There is one thing I noticed at my age of 30.  I feel a lot of us don’t know the difference between a friendship and an acquaintance.

These days, we call everyone our friend, but how many of those friends are really our friend?

Now I’m not saying that people are being “fake”.   Even though there probably are a small number of people who really are fake. I do believe that most of us don’t know the difference between a friendship and an acquaintance.

We grow up in a culture where we are not really taught what a healthy friendship is. A lot of us have grown up in divorced families or parents who stay “together for the kids”. But unfortunately everyone can tell that it isn’t working between them.

We as people, learn about relationships through our parents first then after that through community. But if we don’t grow up in the right situation, it often leads one to be confused. We are more likely to have a much harder time forming relationships. 

I’m not saying all is doomed, and we are screwed. There is still hope, but we have to want to have good relationships.  We must be willing to try to figure them out. Being honest with ourselves is so important and admitting when we mess up.

So with all that being said, how many of us really know what the difference between a friendship and an acquaintance?

 

Acquaintance

For me, an acquaintance is someone who could potentially turn into a friendship one day. They are the type of people who may know basics about us, but they don’t really know our full story yet. These acquaintances might not really truly understand how we work yet. We don’t see these type of people very often, because they might be busy all the time or might be a new person in our life.

They also could be someone who we see once every 6 months, but they are never anyone who knows whats going on in our daily life. These people may only be interested in meeting up once in a blue moon. Even people who maybe was actually a friendship years ago and happen to fall back in our life are people I’d consider an acquaintance.

Most people in my life fall under this category.  This is what I feel the difference between a friendship and an acquaintance.

Always changing

The thing is, we as people change a lot! Even I’m not the same person I was a year ago. I’m doing a lot of different things. If that person isn’t in my current life, then they are going to have to start over with me again. Sometimes I feel like a new person has merged from me. I was a caterpillar, who finally made a cocoon, but I’m not yet a butterfly! LOL I don’t think I made it to that stage yet. LOL

The Challenge

When I haven’t seen someone in a while, then I feel like I’m not sure where to start, because I can’t remember what I have told them. So its like, okay I’ll just say what I think this person might not know?!?! haha And a lot of the time, conversations maybe a little more trickier mainly, because since I can’t remember the last conversation. Then I might not know how to start the conversation. You can’t ask “how was that vacation?”, if that was like 2 years ago…LOL…and yes…I have had people who want to hang out that haven’t seen me in a while. Even they might have forgot about that vacation…LOL

In the long term, it is hard to get close to people who are very rarely part of my life. I have only felt close to people who do keep up with the daily life, which that number has been going down for awhile…oops.

I’ve always been down and willing to hang out with people. I’m not much of a busy person, more like flexible. I do things in my spare time, but I can easily put my book down if someone is willing to go hang out.

I feel like the older I get, either people move away or people get too busy for me. And then its like crap, have to start all over with someone else. It becomes a little more challenging to meet new people when I’m not in school or go to the bars anymore. I don’t have too many good outlets for meeting new people these day, especially people who have common interests as me. Every so often, I do meet a new face though. 🙂

difference between a friendship and an acquaintance that they are close

Friendship

For a friendship, to me, it is someone who wants to be apart of my daily life. I’m not saying that they have to hang out with me 24/7, but they should keep in touch more often then an acquaintance. It is totally understandable that when we get older, we all have lives. We get jobs, kids, houses, and other priorities, but if we really want a true relationship with someone, we will make the time for it.

Friendship to me is exactly like the married life. Things between Jason and I would be totally different if we only saw and talked to each other once every 6 months. We are very very close, because we make the effort to be apart of each others lives. I couldn’t live without him! I’d take a bullet for that man!

Of course many could argue and say, “Well Amber, you guys live together.” And unfortunately, just because you live with them, doesn’t mean they are apart of your life. There are some people right now, in relationships who live together, but live separate lives and know nothing about each other.

Not going to lie, BEEN THERE DONE THAT YEARS AGO. Before Jason, I lived with a guy for 3 years, and I’m sure he still doesn’t know my birthday…lol…Many reasons why I left. Not going to get into that story, but why stay with someone who isn’t interested in who you are? This is a big difference between a friendship and an acquaintance.  Friends are interested in getting to know you where acquaintances may only know the basics.

In conclusion…

Friendships and relationship, in my opinion, are the same. If we want them to work, then we need to be there. Stop telling other people that we are busy, because that sends people mixed messages. People will not know that we want to be apart of their life, if we are always telling them that we are too busy.

     They take work, communication. When shit hits that fan, are we willing to talk about it or just pretend that we forgot? Are we willing to understand why they do the things they do? And be patience when they are trying to be better? Are we willing to go out of out way to show affection towards them, so they know how much we do care about them? Are we willing to forgive them when they mess up when they are truly sorry? Are we willing to compromise, so at the end of the day what ever problem happens, can be solved and both people are happy about the solution?

I really do believe that these are the basics to making any type of relationship to work whether it would be friendship or even in the married life.

Be there, communication, understanding, patience, affection, forgive and compromise.

If we want to be in healthy close relationships, then I do believe all of these are a must!

I really do believe that it is important to know the difference between a friendship and an acquaintance. Not only should we re-evaluate the people in our lives, but also us at the same time.

How can we create more friends and less acquaintances?  How can we become a better friend?

 

I think one of my biggest weakness is the communication part. One of the many reasons why I started this blog! So maybe I can get better at that. Maybe it will help get my voice out more, and be more comfortable about it.

What is something you can get better with in your relationships?  Are the people in your life friends or just acquaintances?  Do you know the difference between a friendship and an acquaintance? Tell me in the comments below.

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